Yes Minister's assessment of the EEC

Sir Humphrey Appleby: The Foreign Office is pro-Europe because it’s really anti-Europe. The civil service was united in its desire to make sure that the Common Market didn’t work. That’s why we went into it. Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least 500 years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, French and Italians against the Germans, and the French against the Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now, when it’s worked so well?

Jim Hacker: It’s all ancient history, surely.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn’t work. Now that we are inside, we can make a big pig’s breakfast of the whole thing! Set the Germans against the French, French against Italians, Italians against Dutch —The Foreign Office is terribly pleased! It’s just like old times!

Jim Hacker: Surely we are committed to the European ideal!

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Really, Minister!

Jim Hacker: If not, why are we pressing for an increase in membership?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: For the same reason. It's just like the United Nations, in fact. The more members it has, the more arguments it can stir up, the more futile and impotent it becomes.

Jim Hacker: What appalling cynicism!

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. We call it diplomacy, Minister.

James Hacker:
Europe is a community of nations, dedicated towards one goal.

Sir Humphrey Appleby:
[laughs]

James Hacker:
May we share the joke, Humphrey?

Sir Humphrey Appleby:
Minister, may I? [sits] Let's look at this objectively. It is a game played for national interests and always was. Why do you suppose we went into it?

James Hacker:
To strengthen the brotherhood of free Western nations.

Sir Humphrey Appleby:
Oh, really. We went in to screw the French by splitting them off from the Germans.

James Hacker:
Well, why did the French go into it, then?

Sir Humphrey Appleby:
Well, to protect their inefficient farmers from commercial competition.

James Hacker:
That certainly doesn't apply to the Germans!

Sir Humphrey Appleby:
No, no. They went in to cleanse themselves of genocide and apply for readmission to the human race.

James Hacker: I never heard such appalling cynicism! At least the small nations didn't go into it for selfish reasons.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Oh really? Luxembourg is in it for the perks; the capital of the EEC, all that foreign money pouring in.

James Hacker: Very sensible central location.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: With the administration in Brussels and the Parliament in Strasbourg? Minister, it's like having the House of Commons in Swindon and the Civil Service in Kettering!